Planning an estate often involves making difficult decisions about how your legacy will be passed down. For parents dealing with estranged family members, these decisions can become particularly emotional and complex. If you’re uncertain about whether to leave an inheritance to an estranged family member, understanding your options can help you navigate this delicate situation.
Many parents grapple with the decision of leaving assets to children who are no longer part of their lives. For some, it feels like a final act of love and reconciliation. For others, it may seem like rewarding behavior that causes emotional distress or goes against shared family values.
Reflecting on the legacy you want to leave can provide clarity. If your estranged child has distanced themselves from the values you hold dear or explicitly communicated a desire to sever ties, leaving them an inheritance may not bring the resolution you seek. In some cases, it might even lead to further emotional turmoil.
Money, particularly from a strained relationship, can carry emotional baggage. For some estranged children, an inheritance may feel like a last attempt to control or influence their lives rather than a gift of goodwill. This can foster resentment and deepen existing rifts.
One parent shared an alternative perspective on rejectedparents.com, explaining how they and their spouse decided to spend their savings on personal happiness, adopting a philosophy they called SKI—"Spending Kids’ Inheritance." By focusing on their own fulfillment, they let go of concerns about how their estranged children would view their financial legacy.
Beyond money, cherished possessions like family heirlooms, photos, or antiques are often part of an estate plan. However, these items may hold little value for estranged children.
Some parents choose to declutter and repurpose their belongings, ensuring that items go to individuals who will genuinely appreciate them. Selling, donating, or gifting these items during your lifetime can relieve emotional and logistical concerns about what happens to your possessions after your passing.
For parents with multiple children, determining what is fair can be particularly challenging. Should an estranged child receive the same inheritance as one who has maintained a close relationship?
While there’s no universal answer, some parents choose to leave unequal shares, allocate a token inheritance, or even impose conditions on the estranged child’s inheritance through a trust. Others opt to skip the estranged child entirely, prioritizing peace of mind for their family. Grandchildren of estranged children are also often considered, with provisions made for their future instead of leaving assets directly to their parents.
Handling estate decisions involving estranged family members is a sensitive and nuanced process. An estate planning attorney can help you explore options, such as conditional gifts, trusts, or creating a will that aligns with your personal wishes.
This is an emotional decision, and working with a professional can ensure that your plan reflects your values while being legally sound and enforceable.
Navigating inheritance decisions involving estranged family members can be emotionally difficult, but you don’t have to face these challenges alone. At The Werner Law Firm, our estate planning attorneys are here to provide compassionate guidance and tailored solutions to meet your unique circumstances.
If you have any questions, schedule a free appointment with us through our online appointment page.
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Reference: Rejected Parents (Oct. 5, 2021) “Will You Leave a ‘Toxic’ Inheritance?”
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